Sunday, August 12, 2007

Make the World A Better Place: Part 2

In my previous post I covered a few thoughts on how to handle would-be politicians. Herewith a few more suggestions and opinions on other vocations, groups and personality types who seriously pisses me off.

Before some, by reading this post, blow every capillary in their bodies and start bleeding profusely out of their eye-sockets and ears I refer you to my second post on my blog titled “A friendly Warning.”

Psychiatrist and Psycho-analysts — Should be forced to watch the synapses in their own brains open and close, on closed-circuit television, after their craniums have been surgically removed (on second thoughts a meat-cleaver will work just as well) and their brains injected with a painful blue fluid, as to be able to monitor the function, before they dare to put their theories about the human thought processes forward as a science to be taken serious and worth a lot of money.

Snobs and Know-it-alls — Like in the movie Clockwork Orange they should be forced to listen to their whining and opinionated views over and over for every second of every day on the highest volume possible until their eyes turn into stone in their sockets…and then be decapitated.

TV Evangelists — Should be flogged publicly with thick, knotted ropes until they confess that they are only in it for the money and silently terrified of Her wrath for their treachery. Oh…and She is black by the way.

Jehovah’s Witnesses — Should be forced to watch the vilest pornographic videos imaginable, every hour on the hour, preferably Oriental ones that have the word Bukake somewhere in the title, before they come and tell me I need to be saved.

Clerics and Missionaries — Should be shot on sight. They are responsible for the spread of religion and therefore accountable for more causalities than all the wars, diseases and natural disasters that ever plagued this planet put together.

Society and Gossip Columnists — Should be forced to read articles written by someone else and not to be used as reference material by them. That alone would be sufficient torture.

Paparazzi — Should be forced, on a daily basis, to take at least 5 spools of film of the inside of their sphincters i.e. their cameras and their heads should be shoved up their arses, at the same time, daily. (Note that as with journalists I do not include all the brave souls who put their lives on the line continuously to expose imperialism, oppression, dictatorships and unjust wars in this opinion)

Newspaper Editors — Should be forced to confess on live television and radio that they, regularly, actually do confuse running a newspaper with running a country and that this delusion of grandeur leads to editorial opinions.

Generals of any Defence Force — Should be buggered mercilessly until they acknowledge that dressing up in their monkey-suits, with all the ribbons and qualifications for the world to see, actually belong in cub-scout movements and that they should not be taken serious by anyone at all because of this. And that they really enjoy being buggered because that was the sole reason why they joined in the first place.

Political Analysts — Admit it. You are closet accountants that do not have a grasp of mathematics and thus had to find an equally boring career.

Television Personalities — Blessed with too many, too healthy teeth which led to a calcium deficiency that arrested development of the brain at an early age. My condolences.

I will work on some more for a weekly input and will try to offend everyone. Fair is fair.

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