I Am Blessed

I am one lucky bastard. So far this month I’ve won the e-mail lottery for seven different countries. They just keep on rolling in. I’ve lost track of my winnings and need to start claiming as my winning tickets will expire soon. I am worth millions!

Over and above my lottery winnings (that I never bought a ticket for) my honesty and secrecy started paying off as well. No less than four widows of prominent African leaders have approached me to help out with a financial venture. I can not share the details because of a confidentiality clause but rest assured that I’m going to get a bumper sticker that reads: “fuck the poor”

I’m going to spend some of my winnings to have my penis enlarged. I think I’ll buy treatment for enough sessions to gain about 30 cms in length. I don’t want to be greedy and don’t need more. I will also buy up all the Viagra and Cialis stocks available on the market. I will use this monopoly to boost my retirement fund.

Do people really fall for these e-mail scams? Someone must. Why else will they still be in circulation?

F#¤&!$G Applications on Facebook

Pox on the next one that sends me an invitation to another useless shitty application on Facebook.

May the fleas of a thousand camels seek refuge in your pubic hair!

May your fingers turn into fish-hooks and may you develop an unbearable itch in your crotch!

Get the message?

Enough with this crap!

I do not need to be invited to the application to; “kick a friend in the goonads and then hold him down to search for blackheads on his arse.”

If you want to send me drinks then use PayPal. Either directly to me or to my local. I will gladly forward you the particulars.

Jösses people!

Grow up!

You do not need an application to tell someone you love and miss them.

Remember words?

Use them.