Saturday, November 10, 2007

I Am Blessed

I am one lucky bastard. So far this month I’ve won the e-mail lottery for seven different countries. They just keep on rolling in. I’ve lost track of my winnings and need to start claiming as my winning tickets will expire soon. I am worth millions!

Over and above my lottery winnings (that I never bought a ticket for) my honesty and secrecy started paying off as well. No less than four widows of prominent African leaders have approached me to help out with a financial venture. I can not share the details because of a confidentiality clause but rest assured that I’m going to get a bumper sticker that reads: “fuck the poor”

I’m going to spend some of my winnings to have my penis enlarged. I think I’ll buy treatment for enough sessions to gain about 30 cms in length. I don’t want to be greedy and don’t need more. I will also buy up all the Viagra and Cialis stocks available on the market. I will use this monopoly to boost my retirement fund.

Do people really fall for these e-mail scams? Someone must. Why else will they still be in circulation?

20 comments:

Ed Carson said...

That's not all; wait till you get the one where they ask for your password and warn you in advance that the email provider will assume your account is inactive (and delete it) if you don't send it. I know quite a few people who have fallen for that one...!

Anyway, of the free email providers, gmail has the best spam filter. I haven't had spam in my inbox for as long as I've had my gmail account (though I do get 40 spam emails per day). Yahoo is just terrible; hotmail is fine, but often mistakes 'normal' emails for spam...

Fred Khumalo said...

Gerrie, I've lost count of my winnings as well. A few weeks ago, the journalist in me wanted to get to the bottom of these winnings. So I provided them with the information they required, and got up to the stage of actually phoning their offices somewhere in Amsterdam. The person I was speaking to had a decidedly Dutch surname, but the accent was unmistakably West African... and I had a field day insulting the bugger in Yoruba and Zulu and Afrikaans...

Gerrie Hugo said...

I once did the same Fred. Knowing full well that they work the scam in at least three ways:
1. A 08 number that bills you a lot for the call.
2. Identity theft.
3. The obvious one of you having to forward money.
I don't mind sending them all the contact particulars of my enemies. There must be a few Nigerians walking around in the UK with distinct apartheid perpetrators names.

Anonymous said...

Gerrie pity Amatola Sun did not forward or given us all the millions!!!!!! With the spam we can at least ensure that some provider might ensure WE DO NOT LOSE but save our funds from a quick death.

Anonymous said...

Very well said. I also get the same crap daily.

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